23 Really Funny White Elephant Gifts That Everyone Will Secretly Want For Themselves

Finally give that impossible-to-shop-for person exactly what they asked for with this vintage style treasure chest that contains absolutely nothing, a hilariously committed gag gift complete with a wooden nothing and funny info card for birthdays, or White Elephant chaos.

The Animal Penis Book will send inquisitive animal lovers on an unforgettable journey of planet Earth’s wildlife. You’ll have the privilege of examining some of the strangest genitalia the animal kingdom has to offer!

Ensure your child struggles in life by setting a terrible foundation of the alphabet with “The Worst Alphabet Book Ever Made”. This painfully fun read humorously addresses “mischievous words” that ignore the rules of phonetics and spelling.

Stave off boredom on long trips by mounting your smartphone onto the lazy phone holder. The functional design fits comfortably around your neck and conveniently holds your smartphone at the perfect height and angle for hands-free viewing.

How To Make Money In Your Spare Time is the captivating read that shows you how you can make some extra money in a “not so legitimate” way. It examines the Mafia and similar organizations to provide an alternative path to financial freedom.

Get to know the thoughtful and sensitive man that hides deep, deep, deep beneath Number 45’s brazen and cocksure exterior by reading The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump. Experience his best tweets and quotes, rearranged into beautiful poems and haikus.

Give your booty some much needed TLC by pampering it with these exfoliating butt masks. These vegan-friendly masks are made with a variety of plant-based ingredients that will help combat the effects of gravity while leaving your ass as smooth as a baby!

Thanks to The Plant Urinal now you can quit throwing away your money on expensive soils and plant nutrients! Now you’ll be able to conveniently turn your liquid gold into a nutrient-packed stream that will help your flowers grow healthier and more beautiful than ever.

Forget cars and planes, this remote control poop car is where it’s at. This mobile battery powered brown turd comes with a sophisticated gear box that allow it pull off 360-degree spins and also comes with an on-board audio system that will emit realistic fart noises.

Start your day off on a positive note by digging into a stack of some happy little Bob Ross waffles. This must-have kitchen appliance makes delicious and fluffy waffles shaped like the iconic artist’s head – complete with a killer 1970s styled afro.

Optimize your daily performance with some TruBrain nootropic drinks. Made by a team of UCLA-trained PhD neuroscientists, each 1 oz. shot contains a blend of nutrients and nootropics designed to help you overcome mental blocks and boost mental endurance.

Give your next Taco Tuesday some prehistoric flair with this triceratops taco holder. This small dinosaur is made from food safe polypropylene plastic and comes with a hollowed out backside designed to neatly hold your taco in place.

Look like coolest kid on the block without risking lung cancer by chomping down on some of these candy cigarettes. Each pack contains ten slim and sweet candy sticks that come in colorful cartons modeled after vintage cigarette packs.

Give your bedroom a bit of A-list Hollywood flair with this stunning Nicolas Cage sequin pillow. With an effortless stroke of your hand along its surface, the eye-catching shimmering sequin design will give way to an image of the one true God’s flawless face.

There's no situation that can't be approved by the screaming goat. Boss is being mean? Activate the screaming goat. Kids won't shut up? Activate screaming goat. Mother-in-law has dared to enter your house? Activate the screaming goat. And run.

Never hurts to throw a little extra meat on the pile at the Yankee swap, and these exotic jerky sticks will go over quite well with all carnivorous attendees. With flavors like alligator, kangaroo, and ostrich, everyone at the party will want to taste test the goods.

If you haven't cooked with roadkill, you ain't livin'. With the White Trash Cooking Recipe Book, you'll learn how to make all sorts of Appalachian favorites that folks from the region have eaten for years. Yes, that does include delicacies with raccoon.

You said you'd only have one glass of wine and you can stay true to your word by using the Guzzle Buddy. The wine bottle attachment slips right into the neck of a bottle of wine, turning the entire thing into your glass. It's a great way to save dishes and get your buzz on.