27 Sick Gifts For Kyles That Are As Badass As Chugging A Six Pack Of Monster Energy

Oversized Male Genitalia (OMG) is a terrible disease that affects men with EGO (Extremely Grand OpinionOfOneself) and it's HARD. Harder than a stiff morning woodie. This hilarious book is full of prayers, affirmations, and pro tips for dudes with gargantuan dicks to make their way through life.

Stay at the forefront of the fashion game by outfitting your trusty Crocs with a pair of vibrantly colored Croc Nuts. This must-have accessory comes in seventeen stunning color options so that you can match them to virtually any outfit in your closet.

Drink-A-Palooza is a Monopoly-type board game with beer pong, quarters, flip cup, and king’s cup all in one. This liver-destroying board game requires no fancy equipment and can be played with up to 12 people in teams of 2 – making it a college party must-have.

When Kyle needs to get dressed up, he'll reach for this studded belt. It looks great with a tuxedo or those JNCO jeans his mom has been begging him to throw away since 2003. There's a size to fit any Kyle, big to small.

Take your tastebuds for a walk on the wild side with this exotic meats beef jerky variety pack. Each delectable jerky stick comes individually packed so that you can indulge in animals like alligator, antelope, elk, ostrich, wild boar, and even kangaroo when the mood strikes.

It’s a scientifically proven fact that bubble butts provide the best neck and back support – which is why you owe it to yourself to rest your tired and lonely head on one of these life size natural latex butt shaped pillows. The Buttress pillow is comfy, firm, and comes in many colors.

For the wild and untamable man it doesn’t get much better than the sexy wolf crotch underwear. Considered by many as the male version of lingerie, these sexy pair of undies are ideal for long nights of primal love-making with your mate.

Look fly while you discreetly smoke from this vaporizer hoodie. This wonder-garment allows you to blaze up your favorite waxes, oils, and e-juices through a secret opening in the drawstring so that you can puff the magic dragon without arousing suspicion.

From 9th grade to 12th grade this hat was part of the official Kyle uniform. Forgetting to wear one was akin to forgetting to wear pants. Now that he's graduated to Townie, it's time to get his fashion game back in gear and hide his bald spot with a snapback.

He's never been proactive about much, but if he wants to catch a sweet honey it'll be a lot easier if his face doesn't look like a piping hot Papa John's pepperoni pizza. Proactiv will help, with a specially formulated blend that stops blemishes in their tracks and leaves skin looking smooth and kissably soft.

Don’t just make it rain at the strip club – make it tropical storm – with this quick dispensing cash cannon! Built for speed and performance, this baby will shoot your entire life savings all over the dance floor in record time as you make the worst decision of your life!

If there was an Olympic category for punching large holes in the wall, Kyle would be a gold medalist. When he doesn't want mom to know what he's done (again) he'll have a good use for this dry wall repair kit.

Giving Kyle a 6-pack of tube socks is giving him the freedom to wait two weeks between washing loads of his wank socks, there are 12 in the package, after all. You might be asking about the 7th pair to make it 14 socks for 14 days, but even the Lord had to rest on the seventh day.

To Kyle and the bros, there is nothing more fashionable than a hoodie with no sleeves. Bro, just like, it doesn't get any better than this. And it's camo? You'll catch Kyle wearing this to his next job interview at the gas station.

Enjoy a frosty brew anywhere you go without fear of getting ticketed or harassed by disapproving stares by placing your can inside the stealth beer sleeve. The clever design disguises your beer can like a run-of-the-mill beverage from your local coffee house.

Chug and Smoke at the same time with The Knockout. Just GRIP IT, FLIP IT and RIP IT. Get and underhand grip. Flip the beer upside down. Start chugging and light the one-hitter bowl. Once you’re done chugging, take a hit and RIP IT!

Forget promposals, Kyle is long past that. Instead, he's proposing the ultimate one-night stand with a Netflix and Chill condom. This lubed up rubber will ensure Kyle's satisfaction while also (thankfully) keeping his little swimmers from entering the gene pool.

Kyle talks a lot about skating, but he's only ever pushed his bros down a hill on one. But don't tell anyone that! He can pretend he's a totally awesome Skater Boi by toting around this checkerboard skateboard.