25 Freedom-Loving Florida Man Gifts That Are As Brilliant As Nuking A Hurricane

This beer ammo bandolier is the perfect way to carry a 12 pack of beer when tailgating or at parties. If G.I. Joe were an alcoholic, he’d use this beer ammo bandolier. It’s the perfect party themed gift for the raging military man.

Enjoy a frosty brew anywhere you go without fear of getting ticketed or harassed by disapproving stares by placing your can inside the stealth beer sleeve. The clever design disguises your beer can like a run-of-the-mill beverage from your local coffee house.

Fast track your way onto everyone’s shit list with these prank million dollar lottery tickets. These tickets look so realistic that your poor and unsuspecting friends and family will never see it coming. It’s the perfect way to take your pranks to the next level.

Make game night as uncomfortable as a Thanksgiving dinner with the Right or Racist party game. This wildly entertaining game will not only create laughter but also spark lively debates and political discussions for both conservatives and liberals to argue endlessly over.

Learn about what you’re actually putting into your mouth with the humorous and educational “Everything I Want To Do Is Illegal” book. This informative read illustrates how bureaucrats control the food industry, favoring industrial, global corporate food systems.

Dropping dookies will never be the same once the Poop Knife enters your life. This metal reinforced and silicone wrapped heaven-sent will efficiently chop the pesky sewer snakes that need a little extra help on their way down.

Terrify nearby swimmers by placing this remote control crocodile head into the lake or pool. This lifelike and easy to operate crocodile head can move left, right, forwards, and even in reverse, making it perfect for all types of fun pranks.

Keep it stylish and casual in these spectacular fish sandals. They’re crafted from a soft and comfortable PVC material and boast handmade fish printing. No matter what the occasion, these bold sandals are guaranteed to wow.

Take your tastebuds for a walk on the wild side with this exotic meats beef jerky variety pack. Each delectable jerky stick comes individually packed so that you can indulge in animals like alligator, antelope, elk, ostrich, wild boar, and even kangaroo when the mood strikes.

Easily categorize the greatness of your facial hair as it grows over time using this beard measurement chart shirt. You’ll be able to track your daily progress as it goes from a “manly” stubble to a distinguished “wizardly” mane.

White Trash Cooking proves that you don’t need to spend big to eat great. This 25th-anniversary edition comes loaded with more than 200 tasty recipes gathered from West Virginia to Key West along with 45 full-color photographs.

Make your dinner parties the highlight of everyone’s week by keeping things interesting with Dangerous Experiments for After Dinner. Each tin contains 21 cards, illustrating and explaining neat after dinner tricks that will wow and entertain everyone at the table.

Transform your home’s t.p. rolls into ammo that will annoy your friends to no extent by arming yourself with this toilet paper blaster rifle. You’ll be able to fire over 350 perfect little water-soaked spitballs up to thirty feet away with a simple pull of the trigger.

Don’t let a silly DUI license suspension stop you from enjoying your god-given-right to recklessly cruise around while drinking – with the motorized cooler scooter you can stay mobile while keeping your freedom fighting beers as cold as the rockies. ‘Murica salutes you!

Ensure your survival after the society collapses by supplying yourself with apocalypse survival seeds. If hunting is not an option, these survival seeds will help you cultivate a vast  bounty of home grown goods to nurse the human population back to life.

Satisfy your monstrous mac and cheese craving by going to town on this 27-pound bucket of mac and cheese. This massive bucket comes filled with enough of the good stuff to last you for up to 180 servings – making it perfect for your next dinner party.

There’s no better or tastier way to beat the heat than with an ICEE Slushie! Now with this ICEE machine, you’ll be able to make this American classic right at from the comfort and convenience of your home’s kitchen!

Get to know the thoughtful and sensitive man that hides deep, deep, deep beneath Number 45’s brazen and cocksure exterior by reading The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump. Experience his best tweets and quotes, rearranged into beautiful poems and haikus.