27 Absurdly Funny Retirement Gifts That'll Make Over-The-Hill Retired Life The Best Yet

Stop living hour to hour and live life in the slow lane with help from the day of the week clock. Rather than keeping track of the hours in a day, the clock keeps track of each day of the week, making this great for both weekend warriors and retirees.

Aging Disgracefully is a hilarious take on the perks of getting older – saggy bits, little blue pills, and cheeky grandpas included. Packed with wit and wisdom, this book proves seniors know how to keep things fun, feisty, and fabulously inappropriate!

Put your summer outfit over the top by completing it with a pair of lobster sandals. The zany and vibrant lobster design – also available in an equally striking green – is lightweight, insanely comfy, and comes with anti-skidding soles.

Say goodbye to constipation for good by starting your mornings off with a nice bowl of Poop Like A Champion cereal. At only 120 calories per serving, this healthy treat comes loaded with fiber to promote a regular and healthy digestive function.

A lot of folks struggle to find their footing when they retire but this book can help him start it off on his best one. It's got 365 pages of sincere advice, ideas, and wisdom that'll help him transition gracefully into retirement and live his second life in a fulfilling, happy, and productive way.

Drop your fly and cast your fly by fishing on the crapper. When you know you're gonna be on the can a while, you might as well get some practice in for the next time you're out on the lake. With the Potty Fisher Toilet game, you can! Your mini magnetic rod will help you catch the included fish.

A dude that's got bad aim will have a light-up target to fire at in the wee hours of the morning with this motion sensor toilet night light. The LED light glows in one of 8 colors, clips snugly to the side of the bowl, and stays lit for 2 minutes after the last-sensed motion.

When you're aiming for a record-breaking dump, it helps to know just how long you've been on the can. With the Toilet Timer, you can measure your time there in up to five-minute increments. It's also helpful if you need to get out of the bathroom quickly so no one wonders what you're doing.

Now that she's retiring she's being elevated from princess to queen and she needs the tiara to match. With pretty pink and blue jewels, diamond look-alikes, and shiny pink letters that declare her officially retired, this one will do quite nicely.

Have you experienced an urge to call young people “whippersnappers”? Have you picked out a favorite pair of suspenders? You may be in danger of becoming a crotchety old man. Read this book ASAP before you start yelling at kids to get off your lawn.

So you think you’re smarter than a 67-year-old who’s been through that retirement transition before? Find out with What You Don’t Know About Retirement, a hilarious and comprehensive quiz guide to getting older.

All right grandma, time to get you back to the home now. She's 65 and it’s officially time to joke with her about being over the hill. This inflatable can and walker set is a great place to start.

101 Things to Do in Retirement isn’t an all-encompassing list, it’s a starting point. It’s packed with activities to get retirees started with having fun and inspire them to seek out new things to do and new experiences.

Who has two thumbs and is ready to rumble, wait, retire? The dude that’s wearing this fisherman-style hat. It’ll help him reel in the best parts of this new “career” like opening a beer, blocking the sun for naps, and let’s be real, looking hella fine.

Ah crap. What flavor do these Senior Moments candies have again? It’s on the tip of our tongue. Oh right, mints, they’re Memory Mints. The funny candy that’ll get your brain cranking to avoid those Senior moMINTS.

By the look of this mug, a retiree has a truly enviable to-do list. Who among us wouldn’t want to do whatever whenever? Treat them to this mug and maybe they’ll be nice enough not to rub it in that you still have to go work.

There's nothing quite like rolling out of bed at 10:39 and enjoying a cup of coffee at your pace because you’re not late for anything. Or enjoying that same cup at 10pm cuz you don’t have to get up. This mug is “vibes” as they say.

Retirement is in full swing and that means his golf schedule should be too. When he’s out on the links he can tell the other guys he doesn’t have to worry about work on Monday with nothing more than his golf marker.