27 Absurdly Funny Retirement Gifts That'll Make Over-The-Hill Retired Life The Best Yet

Folks will come knocking a lot less often with this sign on the door. And is that really such a bad thing? The rusted look makes it look all the more intimidating. Finally, your Saturday naps will be uninterrupted by doorbell rings.

Stop living hour to hour and live life in the slow lane with help from the day of the week clock. Rather than keeping track of the hours in a day, the clock keeps track of each day of the week, making this great for both weekend warriors and retirees.

Say goodbye to constipation for good by starting your mornings off with a nice bowl of Poop Like A Champion cereal. At only 120 calories per serving, this healthy treat comes loaded with fiber to promote a regular and healthy digestive function.

Leaks happen, sh*t happens, but fear not! With a tin of this vacuum-packed emergency underwear in your bag you can swap out your skivvies and no one’s the wiser. And always remember, never trust a fart.

When you're aiming for a record-breaking dump, it helps to know just how long you've been on the can. With the Toilet Timer, you can measure your time there in up to five-minute increments. It's also helpful if you need to get out of the bathroom quickly so no one wonders what you're doing.

101 Things to Do in Retirement isn’t an all-encompassing list, it’s a starting point. It’s packed with activities to get retirees started with having fun and inspire them to seek out new things to do and new experiences.

A lot of folks struggle to find their footing when they retire but this book can help him start it off on his best one. It's got 365 pages of sincere advice, ideas, and wisdom that'll help him transition gracefully into retirement and live his second life in a fulfilling, happy, and productive way.

Drop your fly and cast your fly by fishing on the crapper. When you know you're gonna be on the can a while, you might as well get some practice in for the next time you're out on the lake. With the Potty Fisher Toilet game, you can! Your mini magnetic rod will help you catch the included fish.

There are very few important times for a retiree and this clever rack highlights two of them. One, morning time aka coffee time. Two, evening time aka wine time. Lunch and dinner are in there somewhere too but it’s all about the drinks really.

Make sure pops never misses a moment with the Senior Moment calendar. Sure, there are only 365 days in the year but this calendar has 389 in case they forget they already turned the page.

So you think you’re smarter than a 67-year-old who’s been through that retirement transition before? Find out with What You Don’t Know About Retirement, a hilarious and comprehensive quiz guide to getting older.

Retirement is in full swing and that means his golf schedule should be too. When he’s out on the links he can tell the other guys he doesn’t have to worry about work on Monday with nothing more than his golf marker.

Have you experienced an urge to call young people “whippersnappers”? Have you picked out a favorite pair of suspenders? You may be in danger of becoming a crotchety old man. Read this book ASAP before you start yelling at kids to get off your lawn.

Happy wife, happy life, they say, and she might be a little happier if he takes over cooking duty for a change. It’s a good thing management got him this apron, it’s sturdy and will protect him against splashes of oil or tomato sauce.

Now that she's retiring she's being elevated from princess to queen and she needs the tiara to match. With pretty pink and blue jewels, diamond look-alikes, and shiny pink letters that declare her officially retired, this one will do quite nicely.

A dude that's got bad aim will have a light-up target to fire at in the wee hours of the morning with this motion sensor toilet night light. The LED light glows in one of 8 colors, clips snugly to the side of the bowl, and stays lit for 2 minutes after the last-sensed motion.

By the look of this mug, a retiree has a truly enviable to-do list. Who among us wouldn’t want to do whatever whenever? Treat them to this mug and maybe they’ll be nice enough not to rub it in that you still have to go work.

Aging Disgracefully is a hilarious take on the perks of getting older – saggy bits, little blue pills, and cheeky grandpas included. Packed with wit and wisdom, this book proves seniors know how to keep things fun, feisty, and fabulously inappropriate!